Some things to look out for when you’re shopping for a therapist

Therapist

May 17

Going to therapy is scary. It’s not only the prospect of opening up to a complete stranger that can feel unnerving, but also the pressure of finding the right person.

In a lot of ways, the process of finding a therapist is a lot like online dating. You will swipe through an endless number of profiles and look into the select faces that seem reassuring, calm, and knowledgeable. You’ll then comb through their public bio and ensure they fit certain criteria. Not too young to make sure they have experience, but not old enough that they wouldn’t relate to what you’re going through. Experienced in the areas you are seeking help so you know they’ll have good advice. Or should. Hopefully. You’ll then reach out, eagerly await a message, and connect for a call.

Regardless of whether you’re meeting online or in person, the first meeting can feel the most scary. The biggest question people ask is how much context (e.g. trauma, mental illnesses, etc.) they should share with a prospective therapist on day 1. There’s no right or wrong answer because it depends on where you are on your journey and what you feel comfortable sharing. But we do think it’s helpful to share at least a little bit, even if on a high level, so you can get a feel for what future sessions may be like.

So, that brings us to the main point of this article. After you introduce yourself and your reason for going to therapy, what characteristics should you look out for in a therapist? What questions should you ask them to determine if they’re the right fit? Here’s a small checklist with relevant questions we used during our own therapy search which helped us narrow down the list.

To preface this, it’s helpful to jot down objective notes under each category during the session without assigning any judgment. You can get to that afterward once you’ve had a bit of time to think through all your thoughts and options:

Reaction

After you confide in them, how do they react?
Does their reaction make you feel safe? Validated? Irritated?

Response

Do they respond with advice, skills, or stories? Which do you want to hear?
Do they ask you any follow-up questions? Do you feel like these are relevant, or just simply annoying?
Do they get hung up on small details and not look at the bigger picture?

Listening

Are they actively listening or multitasking behind the scenes?
Do they make eye contact while you’re speaking?

Advice

Do they resort to advice or commiserate with you about the situation? Which do you want to hear?
Do they provide tangible skills that can help you manage situations moving forward?
Do they challenge you to think about your experiences in a different way?

Experience

Have they had previous experience treating patients with similar mental illnesses and/or traumas?
Do they have experience dealing with patients your age?

Responsiveness

How long does it take them to respond to emails, texts, or calls?
Do they offer sessions in between your weekly appointments? Is that important to you?

This list is not all-encompassing but is a helpful starting point as you navigate your journey with therapy. At its core, the most important factor is that they make you feel safe and that you feel like they will provide you with the tools to grow and heal long-term.